straightshooter | unnamed } { why does the heart still resist

Current Mood: nervous

Entry tags:

unnamed } { why does the heart still resist

The sedan pulls up to the front of the small, nondescript apartment building, and the SHIELD agent in the front seat glances back to her through the rearview mirror. He doesn't push - she appreciates that about him. Not that he could understand how she's feeling, being transported through time while SHIELD was testing their newest toy isn't exactly something every agent goes through. But he still affords her the respect of her now emeritus title, which is more comforting to her than she could say. It isn't enough to make her get out of the car though.

"This is it, Director Carter."

She glances from the file in her lap to the building again. Then she exhales slowly, maintaining her composure as she reaches for the door handle. "Of course. Thank you, agent." She starts to get out of the car, hesitating as her shoe touches the gravel. Then she turns back to the driver. "Just in case ... "

"I'll wait for thirty minutes." He glances back over his shoulder and gives her a small smile. "But for what it's worth, ma'am? I don't think that will be a problem."

She smiles slightly at that, giving a small nod of thanks before climbing out of the car. She adjusts her clothing carefully, before striding her away into the SHIELD monitored building. Director Fury had given her all the proper clearances, so the first and only time she's actually stopped is when she's staring at Steve's front door.

Peggy Carter has never considered herself to be an anxious woman. She's always prided herself on having a very firm grip on her emotions, and if there is one that has ever managed to get out of hand it's her temper, not her nerves. But standing in front of the door of the man she longed believed was dead and gone forever, ready to see him again when he possibly believes the same of her, and she finds herself returning to the state of a flustered school girl, waiting for her first date.

And in a way, it is. They never got that dance.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, she raises her hand and knocks lightly on the door.There's a sad, small part of her that almost wishes he isn't here. But the large, overpowering part of her needs to see him, more than anything else.

The worst he can do is send her away.

(If he does, she doesn't know how she will take it.)

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Steve lives a quiet, simple life out of choice. He could have more easily. His likeness is on t-shirts, toys, and a million other things. This isn't the 1940s where everything went towards the war effort. They have to give it to him. The only money he ever accepts for himself is for his work as an agent and consultant for S.H.I.E.L.D while the rest is quietly donated to worthy causes.

(Wounded soldiers and at risk kids are the ones who largely benefit from it. He never forgets where he came from.)

Some things are not simple in spite of Steve's efforts to make them so. One of those things would be about a million checkpoints to make it to his front door. When the knock on the door comes, he's more than a little surprised. Natasha stops by occasionally to try shoving him out the door, but is usually good about telling him when. Only Stark is rude enough to drop by, but by now he'd be shoving his way in so... Well, there's only way to find out.

"Just a second." Steve sets down the sketch he'd been working on and gets up. He crosses the small space in quick, steady steps. He doesn't think twice about opening the door without checking to see who is on the other side. Really, the pool of people who can see him is so small it's hardly necessary.

It is probably a good thing he didn't since he would have never believed what awaited him on the other side. Steve's heart skips a beat and for one very long moment he can't breathe. She's here. She shouldn't be here.

There are a two explanations he settles on. One: Loki isn't nearly as dead as Thor claims he is and decided this was a great way to taunt him. This one is dismissed rather quickly since he's fairly certain the trickster would try tormenting Stark, Natasha, or Bruce first. He would have gotten a warning by now from any of them. Two: this is a hallucination.

While Steve likes to believe he doesn't suffer from the same mental issues that plague other veterans he's seen, it's not out of the realm of possibility. The serum protects him physically not mentally. He can get sick that way if he's not careful. Steve knows he's done just about everything wrong in that regard. He lives alone, his social life is basically going to work, and....

God she's so beautiful. He doesn't care if he's going crazy if he can see her so clearly in front of him. Steve's done paintings in the lonely hours when he couldn't get the image of her and so many others out of his head. They never did her justice. Maybe tonight he'll have better luck. He can smell her perfume or something close to what she wore once. He wonders in his state of shock if he tried to touch would she disappear. Slowly, Steve reaches out to try taking her hand and tries not to dread the moment the illusion will break.

Only it doesn't. She holds his gaze, trying to read what it is he's thinking, trying to understand what's going on in his head. She doesn't know where she's going to even begin to explain but all that matters to her right now is that he's here. It isn't something that this Agent Coulson tried to tell her to get her where he wanted her.

It's Steve. He's real and solid and there, and that's only made even more evident when his hand takes hers. She lets him pull it away from her, tightening her fingers around it before finally managing to speak.

"Steve?" she asks softly. "Say something, please."

It slowly dawns onto him that this is real. Her hand is warm in his. Peggy's eyes never break from his. It's when she speaks that it really hits him that this is real. By some miracle, she's right in front of him. His brow furrows and he stumbles over his words. "I'm sorry. I..." The tears come suddenly. Steve pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand and shuts them in an effort to get rid of them. He doesn't want to stop seeing her.

After a moment, he looks up again and smiles. His eyes are watery still, but he's happy. Grateful even. That much should be plain to see on his face even if confusion is there as well. "You should come in. Could you please?"

"Don't be sorry," she says softly, trying not to push things too far, too quickly, simply because he's here. It's the moment both of them thought would never happen, and now here they are, trying to figure out the mechanics of it all.

They aren't supposed to get this lucky. In some ways, she supposes they aren't.

He invites her in and she nods, taking a step inside but still keeping her hand in his. She doesn't want to let go of him either, equally afraid he might disappear.

"I didn't mean to surprise you like this, but ... I didn't know if you would believe it was me if I called."

He shuts the door behind her with his free hand. Steve stares ahead at that door as if it holds the secrets of the universe before he replies simply, "I wouldn't." It'd be a cruel prank to him. While he's still new to the modern world, he knows the ease anyone can manipulate a voice with the right technology.

Steve turns back to her again, smiling again in spite of how overwhelmed he is. It's impossible not to feel at least a little good in her presence still. "Can you stay awhile? I need to know--" He shakes his head. There's a million questions he can think of rushing through his head at the moment. The biggest of course being how."...a lot of things."

"Of course." It's not as though she has anywhere else to go, but ... back to SHIELD. Back to the people who brought her here and don't know how to put her back.

She doesn't even know if they'll let her return, knowing what she knows now about the future. If she takes the coordinates that they used to find Schmidt's plane, recover the body back in a time when she needs him, would he still be there to fight their war? She knows SHIELD well enough to know that there are protocols in place for such things.

If she were director, she would have done the same.

"Director Fury said I could have as long as I needed."

The truth is he is half tempted to beg her to stay forever after hearing that. He is lonely even with the Avengers offering up a some comfort with their continued presence in his life. He doesn't know how to move on from what happened... or from her. Maybe it's pathetic to love a woman he could never allow himself to be with until the War was over, but he did. He loves her. He'll always love her.

Steve still can't bring himself to be selfish even in the wake of all he's lost. He nods and leads her into the front room. It's sparse and clean like the rest of his apartment. He hasn't gotten around to really making it his space yet. It's unlikely at this rate he ever will. He moves to take a seat on the couch and motions for her to join with his free space. It's big since he sleeps on it from time to time when he's too tired to make it to his room.

"Make yourself at home." He smiles because it feels a little ridiculous to ask in light of everything. "Can I get you anything?"

She shakes her had a bit as she sits, taking in the room for the moment, and reaching for his hand. "No. I'm fine."

She just doesn't know where to begin. Agent Coulson filled her in on the circumstances of Steve's rescue, how he somehow survived in ice for over seventy years, but it still seems so hard to believe. She knew that there were no limits to what Erksine's serum could do, but even that seemed beyond the scope of her imagination.

But she staves off the questions for now. His can come first.

"I'm sure you must have so many questions."

He nods slowly. Of course he does. This is situation right out of his wildest dreams. Steve might worry he might have snapped if it weren't for how warm her hand feels in his. There are tiny differences as well when he looks at Peggy he would never make up. Why would his mind try to change something it viewed as perfect? (He still thinks she's perfect with slightly longer hair and several other tiny differences only someone who looked as carefully as he did would pick up.)

"How are you here?" It is the simplest question he can think to ask. "Why do you look almost exactly the same way I remember?"

She exhales slowly, trying to remember the explanation Agent Coulson had given her that she didn't entirely understand - an Agent Coulson she was told she wasn't allowed to mention to Steve. She doesn't like lying to him, but she doesn't know the importance of this man and whatever mission he's on.

"It was an accident," she begins slowly. "They were testing this new technology, something that could pull items out of their time stream and bring them into this one. I happened to be one of those items."

She theorizes that they didn't expect it to be able to grab the animate as well as the inanimate.

Steve's jaw sets. His opinion of the agency wasn't exactly great these days despite still working for them. He believes in helping others still. While S.H.I.E.L.D may be misguided, they were at least trying to do that or so Steve thinks anyways. It's hard to defend them when something so careless happens. Even if it brought him back Peggy, he's not happy about it.

"They could have killed you." He gives her a once over as if expecting something to be wrong. It's not like he ever stopped looking at her since they got inside. He knows she's fine, but that doesn't ease the worry. "It didn't hurt, did it?"

She shakes her head, touched by his concern even though she shouldn't really be surprised. "I didn't even realize it was happening. One moment I was in my office, the next I was ... here." It's still slightly disorienting, but she's adjusting. It's easier considering he's here.

Steve slowly exhales. He's relieved they didn't hurt her if nothing else. He squeezes her hand and nods. He's satisfied with the answer since there's never any doubt she's telling the truth. "Thank God. I don't know what I would have done..." He shakes his head. In all honesty, it would not have been much more than giving the scare of a lifetime to the scientists working at SHIELD. He's not the kind of man who let's his temper get the best of him. That wouldn't have lessened his anger or pain though.

He's lost so much. The thought of her being in pain is too much even if there's never any doubt she can handle it. That's not the way it turned out so his mind turns to other matters.

There's so much unsaid between them. When he looks at Peggy, Steve just wants to spill it all, kiss her, and give her a thousand reasons why she should stay here with him even if the chance to go back made itself available. He restrains himself, but not by much. "... I missed you so much, Peggy. I've thought about you every day since I woke up here. I still... my feelings haven't changed."

He stops there and waits. He won't go any further unless she gives him reason to. Just because he's stuck in the past doesn't mean she has to be. Margaret Carter is beautiful, strong, smart, and basically everything anyone could ever desire in a person. He wouldn't blame her for moving on.

It doesn't take her long to process it really. She's been thinking about it as soon as she understood what was happening. She's not his handler anymore. She thought about him every day, allotted every resource to trying to find him, to at least lay him to rest properly. Finding out he's been alive all this time was startling and only brought about more guilt that she wasn't able to find him at the time.

But that doesn't really matter. He's sitting there, telling her that seventy years later he still has feelings for her, and all of the reasons why not are gone. It's not a matter of politics or respect. it's not the complications of being responsible for him. She's already moving across the couch to kiss him, one hand coming to rest against the side of his face to pull him closer.

They've waited seventy years. They've waited long enough.

This really wasn't going to have ended any other way.

If Steve could honestly examine the situation without putting himself down, he would realize that this is what should have happened from the moment he opened that door. Peggy being here now changes everything. All the things that held them back were gone. The only thing standing in the way was themselves. Peggy had taken care of that, hadn't she?

The solider is only briefly stunned that she's kissed him before he eagerly returns it. A hand goes to cup the side of her face before settling against the back of her head. (Her hair is soft as he imagined it would be during the brief moments he let his mind wander enough to imagine such a thing. Steve tries to be respectful even while daydreaming.) He's not experienced by any means still, but things click with Peggy as they always do. It's as easy as getting lost in the moment. That is something Steve is happy to do in this instance.

Experience is never something she's worried about, nor has allowed herself to think about, really. She doesn't know how long he's been here, how much he's moved on or tried to connect with people from this timeline, because that doesn't really matter. They're questions she doesn't want to ask, nor does she really care.

She just wants to stay here, kissing him, and whatever happens, happens, she's just happy to be here. She leans into his touch, settling close to him and just soaking in the moment.

If Steve could he would stay in this moment forever. It's safe, real, and it's what he's wanted for so long. That's why he lets it last as long as he does. Minutes pass just kissing her and forgetting there was ever a reason not to do so before self-sabotaging logic starts to creep in. He parts from her reluctantly though not far. One hand still rests in her hair, toying with a curl absently while the other rests on her arm. He smiles and tries not to think about the fact he can't remember the last time he did so naturally.

"You know I haven't actually kissed someone since 1945. I don't think I ever want to stop." It's a gentle dig at himself, a joke to ease the tension for him before he can get to the point. "What do you want, Peggy? Is this-?" The smile fades and he meets her gaze with a troubled look on his face. It hasn't occurred him yet that SHIELD has a very good reason to keep their co-founder from returning. The fact that he's destined to lose her and everyone else that ever mattered to him has become an undeniable part of his life.

"Will this just make it harder for you later? I can take this being it for us, but not at your expense."

Peggy understands what he's trying to do. It's not hard to see that he's simply looking out for her and the uncertainty of where they currently stand. It's a natural consideration and there's a part of him that's grateful to him for making it, but at the same time, she doesn't particularly care.

"Don't you dare stop," she says, giving him a rather pointed look. "In fact, if you try to pull back for my own good, I may shoot you."

Do not test her on this, Steve, you know how good a shot she is.

Oh he remembers. It's funny how dealing with a world that has aliens and fake gods doesn't strike fear in his heart. The second anyone reminds him how good Peggy Carter is at shooting especially at him sends a chill down his spine. She certainly made an impression all those years ago. "You brought a gun to...." You know what? He doesn't even care.

Steve simply shakes his head in disbelief and smiles. She's here and threatening him, but that's okay. That's better than okay actually. Peggy, unsurprisingly, wins the fight. He leans back over and kisses her again. He definitely won't be stopping again anytime soon.

She doesn't even bother to answer the question, because Steve. Of course she has a gun. She's Peggy Carter and you're Captain America, who knows what could come through that door at any time. But that's not important, the important part is that you keep kissing her.

A lot.

If the Director calls him for a mission, she'll shoot him.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

unnamed } { why does the heart still resist

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject